Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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