Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
