why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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