Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
