I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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