where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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