he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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