Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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