"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
