you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
