i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
