no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
