Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
did you just send me my own nude
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
