I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
How does it feel to date your dad?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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