I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He shit in the fireplace
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
