The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
