The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
