What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
