I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
