Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
