like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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