Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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