I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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