She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
