my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
