Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
