I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
