I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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