maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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