why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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