I think my vagina is haunted
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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