The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
