just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
