Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
