also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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