How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
