If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
