Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
