Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
