Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
