Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
