Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
