You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
