hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think your dad took our porno
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
