I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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