Michael Bay diarrhea
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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