Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
