Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I forget how to act sober
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