he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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