WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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