The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
