brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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