pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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