I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
