I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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